hmmmmm....
Well, I can'y go to fullsail this fall because my parents said, even if I am accepted they refuse to cosign on my loan because "I'm not ready for school this fall"......I'm pissed, greatly upset..........to say the least.

Soo yeah, my brother has been having a very hard time lately, with everything....he'll just have an emotional breakdown and panick attacks, not at home, but public type places, my parents are very concerned about him, Of course they would be....On christmas he broke up with his gf maggie, which was probably hard, because she had three little girls, who are also taken out of his life, so it's more like breaking up with four people, not just one. And school just began, so he's stressed about that and paying for it.....blah the stresses of life
...
now that I'm not going to fullsail, I'm shipping myself off to Utah, It's strange, I felt my heart lean toward Utah, and in the end I'm ending up where I started....I just don't want to go there, meet some Mormon man, fall in love, and get married, that would truly make me sick. ...I want nothing to do with guys for a long while....I'm making my life MINE, not building it around someone elses until I'm sure I have everything I've wanted or needed. ...My independence is valuable.

I'm going to be living with my cousin Ashley, I need a job. ASAP. ASAP ASAP. Laura quit the piggly wiggly! I'm not the only one who thinks Liz is a cold, bitter woman.

I need a car before I leave for Utah and at least a thousand dollars saved up before I leave. sooo this will be cool. Im going to have to work crazy hard. ...asap. I'm excited though. I've needed to get out of Wisconsin for too long.

This is an uneventful post. I'm going to prepare for school

bye.

Quick little excerpt of my life...
Ok, this weekend began Friday....What did I do?...I believe I went to that juice place with Laura and the russian dude, which is written about below....

Saturday, Did nothing really....sat around, went to bath n body works...got some dank smelling lotions and such because I am honestly obsessed with things that smell deliciousss! Got me some sweet pea spray and lotion, and like 398470 other lotions, can't have enough lotion...Came home, cleaned a bit, relaxed.

Sunday (today)- Woke up at 7:00 got picked up by Ashley, went to church (we showed up later) ahah, and oh my gosh it was such a nice surprise to see Elder Biggler! I was thinking that can not be him, but it was ...he was transfered back from Oneida back to the Milwaukee ward, athough he's switching to the Lake Michigan ward! It was great! He is such a beautiful person, he resonates such purity, light, and beauty....beauty in the sense that he is a beautiful soul........he is extremely spiritual and has a smile on his face 24/7. GAH! I was so happy to see him! It was a loveelly suprise he was like "emily!!!!!!!!!!" HAHA....yeah so then Ashley gave her talk about a chapter In the book of Mormon, alma something...idr. she compared god to picking out an outfit, ahhaah she would! it was cute though. Then I went to gospel principals class, theres this elderly blind man and I had to help him ...it was precious, haha i didnt "HAVE" to help him....I made it seem as though I was forced. Then I went to young womens....And afterward I stayed because I'm not actually in the Milwaukee ward, I just went for Ashley.....so then I stayed for choir..which was fun although singing alone is a bit awkward. And I stayed for Lake Michigan ward to say hi to some girls who I hadn't seen in much too long.. Then I came home ateee toons of pea soup

I called Laura and she was in an unhappy mood, so I took her to bath n body works and bought her some stuff to cheer her up, and Took her to the ymca, and I jogged, did yoga, and swam. and yeah, she played racket ball to take care of some frustration


now I am here, and I'm going to do homework, lovely? eghhh...

that's about all I have to sAY...:]

ggggggggggssssahfjggahhhhhhhhhhh!
holy shit



soooooo, ok....let me just have the opportunity to take a breath of ,.....happiness
of bliss.
this is wonderful
truly it is.

Life is such a precious gift, And I am so grateful for the opportunities and the blessing I have
Life undoubtedly brings hardship and heartbreak, but if you trust in the cycle, things always blossom....something beautiful always awaits you.

sooo, I think I am obligated to tell you what happened on this...eventful evening...
it's a wonderful story I must say...


Ok so, Laura and I began our evening as innocently as can be expected...we drank a few too many cups of coffee, decided to walk to the piggly wiggly in the very cold weather...I was lisytening to the beegees on her ipod on the way there (fuck yes!!!!) and soo yeah, we walked tehre at about .....6:45 and it was already dark. you know.....so yes we arive and trheres this russian guy and he owns this organic jyuice place next to the puig called fresh......sooooooo me and laura are about to leave and walk back to her crib, and i have my scarf over my face like a fucking terrositt or something and i s3e him walk in and im like HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and hes like "omfg wtf who are you?! " and he pulls my scarf down and i s like ohhh heyyyy and im like yeeee nigga whassup and hes like yall should come over to my juice place and kick it with us for q a while and im like whatev ill do whatever laura wants to do and so klauras like yeah fasho nikka.....so yeah we go over there and dude....luike this russian guy and this other russian guty had already downed a bottle and im like ok whatever theyre russian its fine....like my grandpa used to do this shit....fuckin russians whatever...haha so yeaahhh then theyre like have a drinks o laura and i are like ok. so we have one, the laura has like amillion more and i have a millin morwe. and we got sorta bopped with these russian dudes and they fucking chain smoked and just talked about how russian ppl like sex, and i was like yeah i dont have sex with random ppl, and they werwe lik oh that sucks and then i left cuz i was like fyuck umm.....youre weird. stop talking about sex ur like 45 niggga................and your son went to high school with me....hahahahhHAHA omfg...yeah so he wazs like ok byeeeeeee and gave laura and i like 239863485676 hugs goodbye and we were like okkkkkkkkk dude byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!1




HA....yeahhh so laura and I pretty much got accepted to this school in florida...the same school my bro went to....fuck yes! i cant believe i may be going to the same school with my BBFFFFFF ever i am like fuck yes! i just took a shower...i smell delcious
oh and my x bf is being a crackhead....i dont undeerstand i find it humorous like dude foreal i do not care if u and your x gf are still in love like foreal im happy for you! seriously! i have no hard feelings! but dont be such a douche bag! whatever im kinda just laughing at the whole thing, cuz im most likely going to be going to the same school as him, and if i ever see him he'll prolly be like "omfg" and ill laugh and be like dudeeeeeee quit freaking outttttttt! like alittle spazz! i dont even care...i mighta cared like a week agho. but dude. seriously. grow up.
whatever
tonight was hilarious
and yeah...hahah i have nothing else to say honestly.....it was great and i love my best friaaaannds
and theyre at a party and im at home....cuz i didnt wanna drank
and cuz theyre all gonna be smoking plennnnnnnnnnny cigs there and i get migraines os i was like no thanxx i finna chill at home
why am i always the only friend who doesnt smoke?


jatysus
okkkkk so yeah
theres a sexy missionary at my church. fuck thats naughty.
um
my belly button is actin a fool? anyone know what to do? cuz i fsho dont
ima be gettin my tat soon
shit
IM GOING TO FUCKING COLLEGE
IN A FUCKING DIFFERENT STATE
gholyyyyyyyyyyyy shitttttttttt!
fucl



I LOVE THIS SHIT
fuck mee bitch
i love you all! i love youuuuu
ok.
yeah
i cant wait to lie on a beach all fuckin year round
with my best friend in the whole fucking world. my best friend since like 5th grade
shit. son
........
wow..
if i was a lesb id totally do laura
hahahahHA we already decided this years ago. so yeah fuck you

ha.
ok bye

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came

I am so lost inside this world. Society needs too much of me...I am losing people, Friendships are slipping out of my hands, Laura Duffney is truly the only person I have always had in my life. Obviously my family is always here. But I need other outlets other than this home, and Thiensville. I need to leave here, I am unhappy And I am NEVER unhappy...it's a waste of time and energy. I've been going to the YMCA a lot lately...they have this raquet ball court and I go and I whack the living shit out of that ball. It's so relieving. So much frustration and all I need in that moment is a ball and a racket and myself ... Laura and I are going off to school together. If she gets her self together in time. She is going for film which is wonderful...she will love it I know. Film is her passion and although it's about 74,000 dollars I'm more than sure it will pay off in the long run, she just needs patience. I don't know yet, what I'd like to do.

DDF
fdsihsdgvcjlhBDGNGC


bye

Hi...Life is fucking rediculous.
I'm NOT going back to hhs this semester....sucks...wtf i dont care....Truly I don't Homestead holds nothing for me anymore. I'm lost in the world at the moment. Lost in life and decisions. I need to choose. Between Utah or Texas. Utah holds.......many things. Texas is where Laura is moving, she'd like to get a place and whatever.....Utah has my cousin Ashley, she'd like to get a place. ....I don't know what I want.

do people even read this shit?
seriously
I need to stop swearing.....
....

I am dissapointed. I am hurt, I am lost, and I am angry at myself for caring because It is truly a waste of energy to spend time being negative towards life.....Negative energy creates more negative energy.


Immaturity seems to be rampant these days...I don't understand people....Genna stole from me again. she must think I'm fucking stupid. I give people too many opportunities. And still they cannot redeem themselves. How absolutely Pathetic.

this weather is driving me crazy. You literally cannot go outside ...its like -40 or something insane





I wish I didn't feel like i need to be so angry.
happiness?

Hi my name is Emily Maria Olson
I am naughty because im on my mothers new computer
which is pimp i must say
oh snap ima listen to pimp by my nigga 50 cent
one moment...........i dont know whatttttchyoo heard about me, but a bitch cant get a dollah outa meeee
soooo
ok It is common belief that i am moving to Utah....which is mostly true
i think....fack mayne idk ima miss everybody

OMG HOLD ON
I LOVE SNOOP DOGG
my best friend met him at the ohare airport which pretty much means i met him, she said he smelled like that dank...which is believable i wouldnt see snoop dogg as one who would enjoy smoking shwag blunts...

ok back to the main topic

well....Utah would be tight but idk i want warmth and i want mutha funkin art schools
Genna would like to move somewhere with me...I love her to death but all she does is her hair im not kiddding i loveeeeeeeee you genna but stop doing ur mutha crippin hur. deyemn son

OMFG BISH IM PISSED I AM SO PISSED
I JUST FOUND MY PHONE ( i lost it for a few weeks and randomly found it under my matress) AND THEN IM AT SCHOOL TODAY AND I GO PEE AND IT FALLS ITS THE FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGG TOILET! and i stood there and i was in literal shock and i was like holy hell did that foreal just FUCKING happen OMFG OMFG then i was like split second debating whther i should stick my hand in the toilet and fish that bish out so I did and i was like FACKKKKK OMFGGGGG and so yeah im tryna fix it....i put it in the oven and dryed it off

and you know what
i could just freaking shoot myself in the foot and then have it become gangreeenous and then shoot it again and again I AM SUCH A FREAKEN IDIOT
and asadkjdhfg



fark dissssssss



ok, anyways besides that
ugh
just give me a moment............a longggggggggggggg moment............

ok. i want another tat i have an idea in mind but it seems no matter how i try i just cant draw it to my standards.......p.s. can anyone tel me what nostalgic means?

um...sooo highschool is almost over, i hope i dont get all ADD so i can graduate early. thatd be sweeeet and all.

oh did i ever tell you all I HATE THE GRATEFUL DEAD.

I HATE YOU GRATEFUL DEAD
i just have too many friends who are all "omgg blah kaa laaa i love them" and thats fine
but i dont wanna sit there and be like wow yeah this song is tight son

its not
ok if it is to you i mean no offense but foreal BLAH ON THEM

well
shet i dun forgot to call laura

this is jsuch a stress relief you know
to come home from a freakinnn longgggggg day and just type and make no sense and be like yay chipper and listen to rap with 50 cent and snoop dogg and be like life is swelll and im a pimp and i dont owe no bitch NO DOLLARS

i think thatll do for today


i loveeeee you aAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

seriously.





on a much deeper note.
I am worrying myself absolutely sick lately...time fades too quickly. peoples emotions seem much too fickle, and I am honestly scared to death to let others in. These past few moments in my life seem so incredibly hard. I'm going to have to make some unrealistically difficult decisions very soon....too soon. I am trying hard to seem reserved, so damn hard...I am really see Utah as more of an option lately. I've been searching for art schools....nothing. FUCKING NOTHING. I'm not willing to pick up and move to a random state to go to an art school. I'd be completely and utterly screwed not to mention the being alone factor. I have family in Utah, a church and people who are willing to support me whatever the circumstances....I am so frightened. I don't know what I'm going to do. time goes so quickly and before I know it Ill be onto the next chapter in my life. wouldn't you say that merits some degree of worry?! dang.................I will occupy my mind with painting, drawing and any other sort of releasing behavior. I am worrying myself fucking sick with worry. everything scares me lately. I'm not one to be afraid of the future and somehow I'm at the mercy of it.....helpp mee

FUCK RAISINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo................
this should be entirely interesting seeing as how i havent written in a multitude of days

the days just seem to add up
well.....
where do i begin?
I have a tattoo, and a belly button peircing (the peircing makes me quite nervous because of the risk i run of infection)
My brother is in from boston however i havent seen him since christmas??.....where are you calvin?!
I love my family, as always...
I just came home from Lauras eighteenth birthday party which was.....lovely....to say the least, strip poker certainly isnt my choice of entertainment especially when i have a boyfriend, luckily gennas boyfriend matt picked her up and was willing to give me a ride to my humble abode before the evening became too roudy and obnoxious although i didnt think it was possible....but with the friend i have ANYTHING is possibly, and when you add drinking really and truly AAAANNNYTTHINNGGG is possible...................
i love them anyways though.
well, at this party there were two guys who were .....rediculous. this one black guy i cant recall his name......was freakin retarded honestly............i dont understand how you can tell a drunk guy a fucking thousand trillion zillion times you have a bf and yuore not interested cuz u fugly den a bish and they stilllllll alllll retarded. and bish dont touch my hair and tell me you like it. crazy MUFUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

whatever i left dude i am not finna be sleepin at my friends crib with drunk dudes. fuck that idearrrs.

whatever

yall dont need to know my life story

and im tired
and i sstinkles of smoke

goodnight























DS

She loves him more
He loves her more,
Seems like they won't ever let each other go,
Laughing and kissing it's a match made in heaven
Behind the rings on their fingers
Imprints the ink deep in the inner
That has stained their souls together now
Stained soul mates forever now
Seems like they've made it to the other side where the grass is greener
And the sky is always blue
And it goes on forever and ever but there is only room for two
Deep at night I'm awakened from my dreams,
Next door, yelling cries mercy she is begging please
"Don't end my life you're all I need and darling I will never leave"
And then she prayed on her knees, she said


"Save him, save him from the hand he that beats me on"

A time for us, some day there'll be
When chains are torn by courage born of a love that's free
A time when dreams so long denied can flourish
As we unveil the love we now must hide

A time for us, at last to see
A life worthwhile for you and me

And with our love, through tears and thorns
We will endure as we pass surely through every storm
A time for us, some day there'll be a new world
A world of shining hope for you and me

THEN THEY HANDED HER A FOLDED UP FLAG,
AND SHE HELD ON TO ALL SHE HAD LEFT OF HIM
OH, AND WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND THEN THE GUNS RANG...ONE LAST SHOT..
AND IT FELT LIKE A BULLET IN HER HEART

I was reflecting over my eighth grade year, when I first got news of my uncle's death...how profound an experience..to know one single bullet, one tiny piece of metal took away a father, a husband, a son, a brother, a cousin, an uncle...I recall my cousins, one eight, the other twelve, they were inconsolable, how do you console someone who's father has simply abandoned earthly life. we all live to die, he died too young
and i still cant fathom that one single bullet took someone from this earth

My soldier Uncle Todd, thank you.




i love life! YAYYAZZZ

my name is emily olson
im 18 years old
and i love my dog
my big brother michael
my big brother andy
my big brother calvin
my big brother mathew
and my little sister ellen

Dear Mother,
If I never get the chance to tell you I love you and I am so blessed to have such an incredible caretaker. Thank you for being there for me when i cried and laughed. Thank you for still loving me when i swear i could have hated you. I LOVE YOU MOMMMYY
forever and always
foreever. and always.

Faja, i love you dad


i love my family
and you should be jealous
because they are freaking amazing
and i love them soso much
and they love ME too!

family is forever

I'm an idiot.

I don't want to talk about it. i know what im talking about and i don't need others acknowledging my downfalls when my life doesn't EVER include your fickle opinions....those on the outside looking in
I refuse to do what Ive already done...what so long ago consumed my thoughts and bound my actions to such carnality it was absolutely pathetic
a disoriented view on what we want was never an aspiration that i held.....ugh
I just ....it's not a hardship i was willing to live through
and because I never chose. I made it more difficult

whatevah
in good news
im happy
just confused
and yeah.

the more men i meet the more i love my dog

ABHJSGDBKJSGH i feel so giddy
its wonderful
just got home from school (went to morning)
eatting some dayemn food
going to work till 7

god ok so i went to milwaukee went to urban outfitters
got really geeked at gennas sisters house...gennas bf was being a weird ass dude foreal prolly cuz she cheated on him though sooooooooo yeah...... fuck that people shouldnt cheat on eachother its massively bogus
and just mean! BITCHES DONT BE CHEATIN
so yeah then we drove back and i went to lauras to work on her video
and i was just geeked and i had to sit there with a knife in front of the camera and be a serial killer
so my lines were something along the lines of
" i see youve met jenny (dead ass bitch on the ground)"
"how do you like her house?!"
youre next and then i stab her
ahahahahha it was funny

hilarious actually then i got kinda hungry cuz i hadnt eaten all day and i went home and ate some sorbet and pasta and made some pasta with like green beans and carrots and brocolli
HAH
AHAHH
SO YEAHBOYS ARE so stupid
lately anyways
sam saw laura at school and started talking to her about how "hes not doing so well and im so dramatic and i dont realize how much he did for me"
i feel bad but dude im not gonna marry the dude and hsg sam you piss me off!

im not a mean person really im not but if you dated the kid youd understand where im coming from

blek idy bleh bleh BLEH

i dont know what else to say besides the following

i love life! i love being 18 oh im getting a tattoo and my belly button peirced...and i love lentil soup with cous cous...anddddd um...i HATE COLD WEATHER FACK DIZ SHYT.!!
I WANT SOME ORANGES AND WATERMELON

and some fuckin papaya or mangoes
SDKHGFASLDKJG

ID ALSO LIKE TO GO TO THE HUMANE SOCIETY AND LOOK AT KITTENS
anf i want my little baby boboo back :(
the bunny that ran away while i was in utah :'(

welllll um im being a crack head
so goodbye


I PROBABLY LOVE YOU SO HAVE A FABULOUS DAY

what ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rule of law

...you do what you have to do
when faith has gone and left you
you do what you have to do
i had the faith to recognize
that i dont know how to let you go

I have church tomorrow. I'm actually gonna go
you know what sucks is the fact that I'm the only one in my family that still goes...i go by myself. seriously though I know a lot of people aren't religious these days but my faith is very important to me
but lately ive been struggling with it. Mormons get married so young...honestly girls my age who ive grown up with are like "my goal is to be married before im 21" and im like "my goal is to get drunk when im 21"
hahaha dude though they get married young, and have tons of babies because we are commanded to "replenish the earth and be fruitful........i go by myself and its weird cuz every family there has like a thousand billion kids and im all by my lonesome

:(
oh well. i feel blessed because id rather go alone than not at all

laura and i had some wine last night and chilled and her man came over and had some pizza so yeah that was a nice relaxing night...then today i got up...did the dishes for my mommyy, cleaned my room, helped my sister get ready and dressed...went and got some pink converses and i think im going to lauras soon...not sure though cause i gotta go to bed if i wanna be up in the morning for church

i am in love with the idea of being in love and ive decided thats why its probably not working
cause any love ive ever had hasn't been pure enough. like the kind of love when you're so ridiculously excited and anxious to see them andd yeah i dont feel like talking about this




bye.

wellllllll
im bored waiting for my motha
i was reading some of these oldish posts and i sound like a damn drug addict alll like "omg i snorted a vicodin"
i would juist like to say i am NOT drug addict. really though. i was having a bad month
but i dont have to explain
cuz yall dont fuckin know me
HAhhahahaa

oh my dear god


school was dumb. i hate math.
i cant wait till summer
and i cant wait to move to L.A. with Laura
i love you laura if youre reading this
i love acting and im way excited lWAYW YAYYY excited
im reading an awesome book called bag of bones by stephen king...and yeah theyre apparently making a movie version of it that will be out sometime in 2011....so yeah sams being so obnoxiously poopy. we broke up cause hes been a complete freak
anyways
it doesnt even matter i dont love him
i "love" him because i love people....i just dont "LOVEEEEEEE HIM" you know where you wanna spend your life with them and be 90 years old on a rocking chair with them on the front porch with some lemonade...maybe some brandy?! hHAHHAHAhaa







AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH

thats what i feel like doing right now
just screaming aghhhhhh at the top of my lungs
god i love how no one can get me down

except for this stupid slut in an orange shirt who came in to the pig when i was working yesterday
she was all "i want my meat shaved so its falling apart"
i was like AIGHT dduuu aight aight aighttt
so i cut the meat
and then shes alll "omg omfg LYKE WTF OMFGGGGGG i said i wantred a pound and a half"
and it was like 1.66 pounds
and im like bitch shut the fuck up im taking some off as we speak

stupid orange slut
haahaha

i only like it when i work with laura
i mean its alright but honesltly whos like "omg yesssssssssss i get to go to work and cut meat and cheese today and wear a hair net and look really hot and give people deli saladsssssss"


i definetally read all those s's with a lisp

ok


this doesnt pass the boredom because i type too fast


well
i hope your lives are just FABULOUS and sheeeeeeeeeeeeenttng

we broke up, FINALLY
honestly it hurts but its the right thing. its strange. the only time Ive ever been in love with someone they cheated on me. the whole time. and that really hurt me. and any relationship Ive been in after i just cant let myself love them. I hate it because to me love is what makes life wonderful and worth everything and anything in the end. i feel incomplete. until i find them ....and i will find them. its ok it didnt work out between sam and i...it really is, my heart doesnt hurt, because simply said im not in love with him, i never was...but he was in love with me and that was enough to keep me with him for the six months because i never want to hurt a single person...unfortunately in the long run i hurt him a lot more than necessary ......whatever dude i just feel bad is all. and it seems im uncapable of loving someone completely because im such a picky person. honestly HAAA FUCK
know what im gonna do. ok. THIS IS MAH PERFFFACT MAAAAYNE

*funny
*beautifulll eyes
*smiles more than they frown (positive outlook on life)
*will cuddle with me whenever the hell I say its necessary
*wont make fun of the fact that im Mormon and my faith is important to me
*tALLLLERRR THAN ME cuz i like to wear heels and i feel AKWARD AS FECKJKSKSKK when im taller than a guy. damn im sorry tall guys are just so sexy
*loves art
*loves animals
*loves kids
*

SKG
OK
SOrry
i have a.d.d
infact




goodbyte